I Work With Stupid

The Week The Pigeons Came

2007-03-24T21:30:00.000Z

I have had a lot to blog about this week but everything that has gone on has just left me too exhausted.

Tuesday morning I walk in to the staff room of my store to be greeted by pigeons, (see photographic evidence). Now there are no windows or doors to the outside world from my staff room so pigeons were a bit random.
There was pigeon poo everywhere!

Anyway after calling Dick Dastardly and Muttley to remove the pigeons, arranging other rest facilities and for a deep clean of the staff room, (right when we are in the middle of changing cleaning contractors), that was that sorted.

So I think this is as weird and wonderful as the week is going to get until on Wednesday we had a skanky, ugly, dirty and smelly shoplifter, who was wearing the world's shortest skirt. Worse still I realised, as I had the misfortune to be walking behind her when escorting her up the stairs to the office, that she was not wearing any knickers!! I still vomit a little everytime I think about it.

So Thursday I have to visit the dentist but unfortunately my 6 month review with my area manager is straight after, so I have to talk about the first half business performance and my forecast for the next six months with one side of my face numb trying not to drool.

Anyhow Friday I go in to work, open up the door to the staff room only to be greeted by what...?

..... BLOODY PIGEONS.

Stay in touch for more pigeon news as the saga goes on.....

After hours

2007-03-11T21:18:00.000Z

Why is it that no matter how dead the store is all day we always have a load of browsers come in at closing time who look in disgust when I mention that we are closing. I have even tried the lines 'Im really sorry but our tills go off line in 2 minutes', and 'I'm really sorry but we are closing and my team are only paid up to 5.30', and 'Im really, really sorry but I have to pick up my children from the child minder and therefore need to leave now.' Now this may not be strictly true but come on people I sell nothing so important that you can not buy it the next day.

Anyway, as I am closing up the other night I have a complete chancer duck under the shutters as they are comming down demanding a refund on these books. He did not have a receipt so I explained to him that if he would like to come back tomorrow while the store was open I would offer him an exchange. This was not good enough he wanted cash and could not understand why no was the answer and refused to leave my shop until he had his refund (he did not want an exchange either), anyway after he insulted me for being a woman and daring to be a manager and I had called security he finally left threatening to return the next day, (funnily he did not come back).

Why bother? I mean all shops have this refund policy, no reciept no cash refund so the skanky son of a two bit whore can F@$k off and return his stolen goods elsewhere as Im not there to supplement people's benefit.

Sorry if this seems a bit harsh but -if I've not previously stated- I hate all chav's, skanks, chancer's, moody old people, gobby teenagers, perpetual swearers, badly dressed people and boastful parents.

Thanks for listening

Spider

I'm sure I've worked with this guy

2007-03-09T22:26:00.000Z

Love me and Despair

2007-03-08T21:17:00.000Z

I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed but I'm pretty sure Im going to hell. Oh well in for a penny in for a pound- I'm off to the local weight watchers meeting with a big bar of chocolate and a KFC and maybe on the way home I'll kick a badger or something to round off the evening.

You Are 74% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Cannabilsim is not necessary

2007-03-06T21:09:00.000Z

Now there are certain books that I do not like; that poor excuse for a pit bull Jade Goody's being one of them, I would never read it. However some reactions are a bit extreme...

... senario, I'm on a till, customer aproaches, (he looks like a skank),

me - Hello sir can I take those for you
Customer- Grunts
( I start to scan his purchases through the till)
me - Will you buy the new Harry Potter book when it comes out?
Customer - (and I quote), "I would rather eat my own flesh"

A simple no would have been sufficient

However me telling him to enjoy his meal did not go down well!

Note to self, THINK BEFORE SPEAK, THINK BEFORE SPEAK

He walks amongst us

2007-03-03T22:19:00.000Z

So things are going quite well at work for me at the momement.
Im working my contracted hours nothing more, the store is looking better every week, and we are doing very well with our tillpoint selling, (see previous post), and actually having fun while doing it.
That is until friday just gone.
We have a very busy morning, in which I have lots of people screaming at me because a newspaper has failed to deliver the free DVD's which it is offering, (this is a subject for another time which I will discuss, at lenth, but let me say now it says subject to availability and as they were not delivered they are obviously not available).
So my shop is looking a little frayed around the edges.
Now nobody ever comes to see me when everything is normal, people only ever come to see me when all hell breaks loose, so at this point a neighbouring store manager enters the shop...
Just as some looney lays himself down in the middle of my shop floor and starts ranting and raving at the top of his voice about god.
Apparently 'god is the only god', 'I dont want to be selling other books but the bible as it is the only book', by the way I forgot to mention he had picked up a selection of my bibles, was rifleing through the pages, licking them, kissing them and biting them.
Anyway back to the ranting ' he was an alcoholic and god spoke to him and saved him', 'but god had not been speaking to him lately', 'where had god gone', 'It was all lies all other books were lies'and of course, ' none of us understood about god'.
Well 8 security guards and 2 police officers later we manage to persuade him to leave the store, surprisingly by suggesting he go outside for a ciggerette, because while ranting and raving in a shop is perfectly acceptable behaviour smoking in a shop is not), I finaly turn to my colleage and said, 'well just a normal day in chavham.'

And tonight for your entertainment, ladies and gentlemen I present to you

2007-03-03T22:06:00.000Z

POLE DANCING MIDGETS!!
Yes thats right POLE DANCING MIDGETS.
One of my members of staff had a midget come up to her and ask her about books on pole dancing!
Ive got to give RT a lot of respect because I don't think I could have kept a straight face.

back at work

2007-02-20T07:00:00.000Z

I have just returned to work after being off on maternity leave, so escaped the Christmas mania thank god.
Customers are as stupid as ever not to mention the people I work with.
We have to do active selling as part of our jobs' this used to be somthing which was quite fun as we would use it in friendly competition with other stores, however it has now turned into a big stick for the company to beat us with, (so if you go into a well known retailer and get asked if you want to buy lots of different things when you get to the till, spare a thought for the poor bugger behind the tills who is under the threat of disaplinary action if they do not ask you).
However when at a meeting recently discussing what we can do enfore more selling at the tills, I mention that we used to do these things as a bit of fun to beat the store down the road, friendly competition between staff with a prize for the best performing or for just who could talk the talk for a bit of a laugh.
So the question thrown back at me was, "how can we plan this in?"
I sat there thinking oh my god are we actually planning to have fun here. Well apparently we were.
So Ive now written an agenda for our next meeting.
9am - Meet for coffee
9.30am - Introductions review agenda
9.40am - Business update
10.30am - Someone will tell a joke, (pre approved of course)
10.31am - Everyone will laugh
10.32am - Back to business update
etc.

Home Shopping

2006-09-08T19:16:00.000+01:00

I'm all for shopping from home, in fact I'd go as far as to say the internet was the best thing to ever happen to the whole shopping experience. I get exactly what I want at a really good price and it's delivered to me in the comfort of my own home; bliss. I dont have to listen to the arse end of humanity scream at their kids to shut the fuck up, (by the way have you noticed its always chavs, skanks and pikeys who behave in this manner, probably as the kid is drawing the assistants attention to their shoplifting but thats another subject for another time), I dont have to dodge the buggy brigade, (see above and add out in gangs and all under 16), beggars and drunks can't harrass me, old people can't walk in to me and for many other reasons too numerous to list I LOVE HOME SHOPPING.
Now that we have established that this is what the internet was created for (well that and sharing information and porn; well, mainly porn), why when we have this brilliant tool at our disposal do people still insist on phoning me with their shopping lists and huffing when I can't get a department to pick the phone up. LISTEN YOU MORONS WHO DO THIS, THIS IS BECAUSE THEY ARE SERVING ALL THE PEOPLE WHO GOT OFF THEIR FAT LAZY ASS, LEFT THEIR HOUSE AND WENT SHOPPING. IF YOU WANT TO SHOP FROM HOME AND HAVE AN INSTANT RESPONSE USE THE DAMNED INTERNET AS IT MAY JUST STOP MY HEAD FROM EXPLODING IN SHEER FRUSTRATION AT YOUR STUPIDITY.
Ahhh that felt better.
Also why do people look something up on the internet and then naturally believe I stock it. There is only limited space available in a store and we can't stock every product ever invented and due to the fact that our overheads are higher that an online firms we can't sell as cheaply. The moral of this final part of my rant is the same as the rest of it, If you want that particular product at that really great price BUY IT ON THE DAMNED NET. If you want to browse/examine your product before purchasing GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND GO SHOPPING!

Spiders Customer of the Day

2006-09-07T21:00:00.000+01:00

So it's a normal working day and as per usual I'm dealing with various levels of stupidity, from people abandoning their 5 year old in the childrens book department while they go off to shop, to the lady who thinks I'm personally responsible for the fact that her carrier bag from another shop has broken and wants to know what I'm going to do about it (by the way sweet f!!k all is what I did about the latter), however neither of these receive my coveted prize.

Before I tell this tale however I would like to categoricly state that I do not discriminate against disabled people it was just for sheer arrogance and presumption this gets a mention.
Its about mid day and I've finally sat down to eat something (oh by the way as I've not previously mentioned this I'm the manager of this particular store and I seem to be one of those managers in the minority who slog their guts out with their staff, I dont do offices so I tend to eat on the move most days, to sit and eat is a great treat), when a member of staff, who is incidently a fantastic worker, comes up, apologises to me for disturbing me and explains the following problem.

A lady has approached her and told her she is completely blind, she has no guide dog, no white stick, and no helper, she has been given a pen as a gift but it is leaking, it is not a pen my company has ever sold. This lady is demanding a replacement refill and that my member of staff personally cleans this pen for her. At this point a few questions pop into my head
1. if she is blind how did she find my shop
2.if she is blind why does she need a pen
I deal with this nicely even though she is a rude witch who keeps bringing up her disability as a reason why she should be given everything for free (she can kiss my arse), we sell her a new refill and clean her pen as best we can with cloths and water as we dont offer a pen cleaning service we are not set up for it.
This is not good enough and we are mistreating her as she is partially sighted, (notice where she was once blind now she can see, a genuine f!!!ing miracle performed right in front of me). She is going to complain to my head office and report me to the relevent authorities (Im not worried however as there are witnesess to the fact that I delt with this lady with nothing but politeness and respect).
I mean if you bought some new clothes from one clothing retailer would you take them back to another saying these clothes are dirty and I'm disabled so you must wash them for me and if you don't I will complain- because essentially that's what happened to me and that is why this wins my customer of the day award

2006-09-07T20:08:00.000+01:00

I work for a very well known UK retailer who shall remain nameless and deal with different levels of stupid on a daily basis from my colleagues and customers. I have decided to share my experiences with the world and ask that the world shares its experiences with me so our suffering is never forgotten.
I believe that only by talking about the problem of abject stupidity can the condition ever be recognised and action taken to exterminate it from the population as a whole, if this seems cruel and unkind to you (and I'm not referring to people having what I know affectionately as a blonde moment- everyones entitled to have momentary lapses), I ask you what kind of person thinks it is rational and intelligent to walk in to a book shop and ask for a book when they don't know the title or the author and do not have a clue what its about, 'but it has a black cover' (please bear in mind people that there are thousands and thousands of books currently in publication with black covers and usually these dumb basteds usually cant tell me if its fiction or non fiction). When I explain to them that unfortunately I need more information due to the reasons stated above, I get accused of being stupid and looked at with disgust.
I will leave it to you to judge who is trying to work with stupid here and would welcome any stories from fellow sufferers out there