The Week The Pigeons Came

I have had a lot to blog about this week but everything that has gone on has just left me too exhausted.

Tuesday morning I walk in to the staff room of my store to be greeted by pigeons, (see photographic evidence). Now there are no windows or doors to the outside world from my staff room so pigeons were a bit random.
There was pigeon poo everywhere!

Anyway after calling Dick Dastardly and Muttley to remove the pigeons, arranging other rest facilities and for a deep clean of the staff room, (right when we are in the middle of changing cleaning contractors), that was that sorted.

So I think this is as weird and wonderful as the week is going to get until on Wednesday we had a skanky, ugly, dirty and smelly shoplifter, who was wearing the world's shortest skirt. Worse still I realised, as I had the misfortune to be walking behind her when escorting her up the stairs to the office, that she was not wearing any knickers!! I still vomit a little everytime I think about it.

So Thursday I have to visit the dentist but unfortunately my 6 month review with my area manager is straight after, so I have to talk about the first half business performance and my forecast for the next six months with one side of my face numb trying not to drool.

Anyhow Friday I go in to work, open up the door to the staff room only to be greeted by what...?

..... BLOODY PIGEONS.

Stay in touch for more pigeon news as the saga goes on.....

After hours

Why is it that no matter how dead the store is all day we always have a load of browsers come in at closing time who look in disgust when I mention that we are closing. I have even tried the lines 'Im really sorry but our tills go off line in 2 minutes', and 'I'm really sorry but we are closing and my team are only paid up to 5.30', and 'Im really, really sorry but I have to pick up my children from the child minder and therefore need to leave now.' Now this may not be strictly true but come on people I sell nothing so important that you can not buy it the next day.

Anyway, as I am closing up the other night I have a complete chancer duck under the shutters as they are comming down demanding a refund on these books. He did not have a receipt so I explained to him that if he would like to come back tomorrow while the store was open I would offer him an exchange. This was not good enough he wanted cash and could not understand why no was the answer and refused to leave my shop until he had his refund (he did not want an exchange either), anyway after he insulted me for being a woman and daring to be a manager and I had called security he finally left threatening to return the next day, (funnily he did not come back).

Why bother? I mean all shops have this refund policy, no reciept no cash refund so the skanky son of a two bit whore can F@$k off and return his stolen goods elsewhere as Im not there to supplement people's benefit.

Sorry if this seems a bit harsh but -if I've not previously stated- I hate all chav's, skanks, chancer's, moody old people, gobby teenagers, perpetual swearers, badly dressed people and boastful parents.

Thanks for listening

Spider

I'm sure I've worked with this guy

Love me and Despair

I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed but I'm pretty sure Im going to hell. Oh well in for a penny in for a pound- I'm off to the local weight watchers meeting with a big bar of chocolate and a KFC and maybe on the way home I'll kick a badger or something to round off the evening.

You Are 74% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Cannabilsim is not necessary

Now there are certain books that I do not like; that poor excuse for a pit bull Jade Goody's being one of them, I would never read it. However some reactions are a bit extreme...

... senario, I'm on a till, customer aproaches, (he looks like a skank),

me - Hello sir can I take those for you
Customer- Grunts
( I start to scan his purchases through the till)
me - Will you buy the new Harry Potter book when it comes out?
Customer - (and I quote), "I would rather eat my own flesh"

A simple no would have been sufficient

However me telling him to enjoy his meal did not go down well!

Note to self, THINK BEFORE SPEAK, THINK BEFORE SPEAK

He walks amongst us

So things are going quite well at work for me at the momement.
Im working my contracted hours nothing more, the store is looking better every week, and we are doing very well with our tillpoint selling, (see previous post), and actually having fun while doing it.
That is until friday just gone.
We have a very busy morning, in which I have lots of people screaming at me because a newspaper has failed to deliver the free DVD's which it is offering, (this is a subject for another time which I will discuss, at lenth, but let me say now it says subject to availability and as they were not delivered they are obviously not available).
So my shop is looking a little frayed around the edges.
Now nobody ever comes to see me when everything is normal, people only ever come to see me when all hell breaks loose, so at this point a neighbouring store manager enters the shop...
Just as some looney lays himself down in the middle of my shop floor and starts ranting and raving at the top of his voice about god.
Apparently 'god is the only god', 'I dont want to be selling other books but the bible as it is the only book', by the way I forgot to mention he had picked up a selection of my bibles, was rifleing through the pages, licking them, kissing them and biting them.
Anyway back to the ranting ' he was an alcoholic and god spoke to him and saved him', 'but god had not been speaking to him lately', 'where had god gone', 'It was all lies all other books were lies'and of course, ' none of us understood about god'.
Well 8 security guards and 2 police officers later we manage to persuade him to leave the store, surprisingly by suggesting he go outside for a ciggerette, because while ranting and raving in a shop is perfectly acceptable behaviour smoking in a shop is not), I finaly turn to my colleage and said, 'well just a normal day in chavham.'

And tonight for your entertainment, ladies and gentlemen I present to you

POLE DANCING MIDGETS!!
Yes thats right POLE DANCING MIDGETS.
One of my members of staff had a midget come up to her and ask her about books on pole dancing!
Ive got to give RT a lot of respect because I don't think I could have kept a straight face.

back at work

I have just returned to work after being off on maternity leave, so escaped the Christmas mania thank god.
Customers are as stupid as ever not to mention the people I work with.
We have to do active selling as part of our jobs' this used to be somthing which was quite fun as we would use it in friendly competition with other stores, however it has now turned into a big stick for the company to beat us with, (so if you go into a well known retailer and get asked if you want to buy lots of different things when you get to the till, spare a thought for the poor bugger behind the tills who is under the threat of disaplinary action if they do not ask you).
However when at a meeting recently discussing what we can do enfore more selling at the tills, I mention that we used to do these things as a bit of fun to beat the store down the road, friendly competition between staff with a prize for the best performing or for just who could talk the talk for a bit of a laugh.
So the question thrown back at me was, "how can we plan this in?"
I sat there thinking oh my god are we actually planning to have fun here. Well apparently we were.
So Ive now written an agenda for our next meeting.
9am - Meet for coffee
9.30am - Introductions review agenda
9.40am - Business update
10.30am - Someone will tell a joke, (pre approved of course)
10.31am - Everyone will laugh
10.32am - Back to business update
etc.